Changes that come with the birth of your second child...

I've been thinking a lot about the changes that will be coming up for us and our family with the birth of our little peanut in just a few short months. I will admit that I have been a little surprised with this pregnancy. It's been just as exciting and special as the first time we were pregnant, and I know its been that way for James as well.

Although we've been through pregnancy and childbirth before, having a second child is something neither of us have experienced before... So I dedicated a post to share some ideas that I have found about dealing with the changes that come with the birth of a second child, and suggestions I have been told that may help us and Jack when the baby gets here.

What will change?

-You will have limited time: You will be taking care of a new baby AND a toddler now, so your time will be limited. I'm certain sleeping and meal schedules will be stretched a little. Things will be overwhelming at first, so get organized before the new baby comes!

-You will have less energy: You're tired now, since caring for an older child while pregnant takes a lot of energy. After the birth, the first 6 to 8 weeks can be particularly demanding, because your main job will be trying to get your new baby on a feeding and sleeping schedule, while anticipating your older child's needs and changing emotions.

-You won't feel quite as nervous this time around: One positive change that a second child brings is an increased confidence in your own abilities, knowledge, and experience. That is, the things that seemed so difficult with your first child - such as breast-feeding, changing diapers, handling illness - will seem like second nature to you instead of a full-blown crisis.

Don't be surprised if you feel concerned about bonding with your new child. It may be difficult to understand that you will have just as much love for your new arrival as you do for your older child - but you will. As moms and dads often report, a parent's love somehow doubles when another child is born.

You will notice that you have little or no time for yourself during the first few months following delivery. Sleepless nights and everyday tensions can be overwhelming, so be sure to make

Helping Your First Child Adjust

Your first child may experience a range of emotions, from jealousy to excitement and even resentment. Younger toddlers are unable to verbalize their feelings, and their behaviors may regress after the new child is born. They might suck their thumb, drink from a bottle, forget their recent potty training skills, and communicate using baby talk in an effort to get your attention.

"alone time" a priority for you. Likewise, you and your partner will notice that you're rarely spending time together, so be sure to have an occasional date once things settle down.

• Letting your older child help pick out items for the new baby's room. If your children will be sharing a bedroom, this is particularly important.
• Finding a special gift that your older child might like to share with the baby, such as a favorite book or toy, or a photo of the sibling for the baby's room. You might also want to pick out something for your older child too, such as a special chair just for him or her that he or she can sit in while you're feeding the baby.
• Arranging special time just for you and your older child. This might involve a trip to the library, grocery store, or simply reading a few extra stories at bedtime. Your partner can help you by caring for the baby during these times.
• Role-playing or reading stories to your child that will help him or her understand what is happening in the family. There are several books written especially for toddlers that can help. Check a local bookstore or ask your librarian for specific titles.
• Preparing your child for what to expect when the baby comes home. This includes explaining that a new baby cries, sleeps, and needs diaper changes frequently. Assure your older child that although the new baby needs lots of attention, there will still be plenty of time and love for him or her.
• Reinforcing your older child's role in the family. Tell your child that he or she will be the "big brother/sister" to the new baby, and let your child revel in this new role. Consider taking your child on one of your prenatal visits or letting him or her be present for an ultrasound. If you're giving birth in a hospital setting, ask about sibling visitation after the baby is born.
• When you mention the new baby, make certain that you talk about the older sibling as well... You don't want them to feel left out.
  

The arrival of a new child represents a big shift in your older child's life, so you might want to hold off on introducing other major changes. This is probably not the best time to start potty training, to begin the transition from bottle to cup, or to enroll your child in a program where he or she will be separated from you for the first time. Consistency will go a long way in making your child's adjustment easier.

Siblings play a very special role in your new baby's life, so don't leave your first child out of the decision-making. So much attention (baby showers, new furniture, clothes, toys) is lavished on the new baby, making it easy for the older child to feel overlooked. Reassure your child that he or she is as special as the new addition by letting him or her participate in the flurry of activity.

Tips to Help You Cope

There are a number of tips that can help you cope with the added responsibilities of having a second child. Some of them are things you can do before the baby is born.

• Stock the house with dry foods or quick, easy dinners. If you feel up to cooking, make double portions and freeze them, because finding energy at the end of the day will be difficult once the baby is born. Keep a few menus of take-out food restaurants readily available, including a few that deliver.
• Reorganize your laundry room, using one hamper per family member or a basket for each child so it's easier to sort and fold clothing. Laundry is usually the biggest complaint of a new mom - it seems to quadruple when another child arrives, so now is the time to prepare.
• If possible, make use of the items you already have on hand (or that family members are willing to share with you) rather than feeling as if you have to go out and buy all new things. Hand-me-downs such as cribs, bassinets, strollers, high chairs, and clothes can help save time and money.
• Treat yourself to a few movies, and don't watch them until the baby is born. It will help get you through those late-night feedings.
• Stock the car with a diaper bag filled with all the necessary extras so you'll always be prepared. Many mothers keep a toy bag in the car for the older child and a diaper bag with diapers, wipes, and an extra blanket for the baby.
• Keep a book or toy bin handy in your bedroom, family room, and even the bathroom or laundry room, to keep your children busy for a few precious moments if an unexpected problem crops up.
• Ask a family member to spend time with you right after the baby's birth, if you feel comfortable doing so. Not only will he or she enjoy it, but you may be able to get some much-needed rest.
• Use babysitting services or a housekeeper, if possible, who can come in once a week for a month or two to help you with chores that are too strenuous and exhausting.
• Look to your community or place of worship for support. There are countless programs and classes available that provide activities and social support for families with young children.
• Don't forget to take care of your own needs. Pamper yourself, even if it's something as simple as a haircut or a bath with candles and music, to help you relax after a trying day.

We've been trying to work with Jack to help him understand that there is an actual baby in mom's tummy, but thus far he has not been interested at all. If anyone has any tips for us we'd appreciate it. My sister-in-law suggested signing baby every time we talk about "the bump", and then sign baby when we see a baby at church, the grocery store, etc. So we're going to try that and see if that helps him understand at all.

A few articles I enjoyed?
Helping an older child adjust to a new baby
Ways to handle temper tantrums of older child