Was it worth it??? Answers from my Experience

Its been 4 months (next week) since I delivered a beautiful baby girl (We'll call her Layna). I began this blog to segment my journey through the many decisions I had made during my pregnancy and to share that education and research I found. Many of you already know my story, but I thought I would share my findings and my experience with you here and give a summary of my feelings about those decisions I ended up making. I will give quick recaps, but if you want more in-depth information look at the archives of this blog to see more solid information (such as about hypnobabies, etc)

Here we go.

Labor and Delivery:

(Recap) I had a wonderful delivery with our first son, J.L. It was everything I came to expect with a first birth. I was induced, put on pitocin, once I started feeling the contractions asked for an epidural, couldn't get one, got some medicine that made me very loopy and I don't remember that hour even though James tells me I was awake. Life was pretty miserable, I got an epidural and it worked immediately. Relaxed with my husband and tried to just enjoy the special moment while taking naps off and on. The nurse came in a few hours later, said I was ready to push. I couldn't believe it was this easy and that I was already ready to deliver a baby. I pushed for an hour and a half. The dr. came in. I was out of it but remember James telling him I didn't want an episiotomy. The dr. didn't listen. I got one anyway, as well as a vacuum. Got a 3rd degree tear (OUCH). I kept falling asleep in between pushing. Then J.L. was born! Yay.

However that is where the ease of his labor ends. I was too tired (a side-effect of the drug they gave me before) to really understand and fathom that I had just given birth. It seemed unreal. All the sudden I held this blue, crying baby (with no vernix) and I knew I was a mom... but I definitely didn't feel like one yet. I had to wait around for the epidural to wear off. I had to get up to use the restroom before they switched rooms... nearly passed out. Put oxygen on me so I could breathe it. Tried again. Same thing. Wheeled me into my other room. Tried again. Same reaction. They threatened to put a catheter in if I couldn't use the restroom. Finally with some help and pure determination I was able to use the restroom and didn't have to get a catheter. I felt like I was hit by a bus. I had been told by countless friends to have your baby taken to the nursery to be taken care of so you could get sleep, so that's what I did. During my 3 day stay I only spent time with J.L. when I had to (ie-friends were visiting, feeding time). Otherwise I sent him to the nursery and slept. When we got home from the hospital and I actually spent time with J.L. I realized that I felt more like a babysitter than a mom. The feeling continued with me until he was 2 weeks old. It was a very hard transition (physically and emotionally). Breastfeeding was a nightmare. I thought it was worse than the labor pain I had felt.

So when I became pregnant with our second baby I decided I did not want that kind of recovery. I would still have a very young child to take care of with the new baby and I knew I couldn't take 3 months off this time around. I also wanted a different response to my baby. I didn't want to feel like I was taking care of someone else's kid. I wanted to feel what other moms felt. I wanted to feel like a mom the second that baby was born.

I researched and asked around as much as I could, and the only solid evidence that I found to help ease your recovery with your baby was this: Do not introduce drugs into your system. What?! Crazy. I am a baby when I get a headache... How would life actually go if I decided to go through birth without any help?! It seemed pretty unrealistic that I would be able to accomplish that, but the fear of going through the same terrible few months AFTER the baby was born scared me even more. I also found article after article that said delivering the baby naturally helped moms bond with the baby because of the natural release of hormones your body has during the final stages and it also helps you connect to your baby more because you actually feel the delivery and your body knows its delivered the baby.

Now I know that isn't necessarily saying you can't feel that way towards the baby if you don't deliver naturally. I mean look at adoptive parents. But it was a really hard thing for me to experience with J.L. so it got me thinking.

My husband Jim finally made the decision for me when he told some friends that I would never be able to go through labor without an epidural. That tipped the scales. I was doing this thing!

I researched the best natural (medicine free) childbirth education classes and they almost all seemed to point toward hypnobirthing. Not only that, but I read really good things about hypnobabies. Jim and I signed up for a class a month later and we were on our way. I also read about the success rate with medicine free birth is a lot higher if you hire a doula (birth assistant) so we hired one of those too.

Another thing was that I also never understood why people waited to find out what their baby was. My sister Wendy does it with her children and I never really understood her reasoning behind it. She told me it was because it made the labor and delivery more exciting. My wonderful husband, Jim, again made the comment to some friends. "Michelle would never be able to wait to find out what we were having." And while that was a very accurate (very accurate) statement it again ruffled some feathers and got me thinking that I could. I had wanted a different experience with this pregnancy, and waiting to find out the sex of the baby was definitely one of them. At our first ultrasound (before my decision) the ultrasound technician made a guess that it was a girl, and the 2nd ultrasound (after my decision) he kept referring to the baby as a boy (even after I told him we didn't want to find out) He wrote our baby's gender down on a piece of paper and I was 90% certain that it was a boy and I was all disappointed that it couldn't be a surprise anymore. I was going to open the envelope just to verify it, but Jim talked me out of it. He actually hid the envelope so I wouldn't be tempted, even though he was the one who was dragging his feet in the first place.

And with this baby we decided to interview doctors instead of sticking with the most popular ob/gyns in the city. We weren't happy with the long waits in the doctors office, the labor experience with our doctor with J.L. (he didn't explain any of his procedures, gave us an episiotomy after we told him we didn't want it, etc. etc.) We also noticed a growing trend of friends that delivered with them were getting c-sections (many of them just for failure to progress), and that was something that we wanted to avoid. Their c-section rate was at 40%, 10% over the average rate, so we decided to find someone else. We chose a wonderful family practice doctor who we could build a relationship with and who would also be able to see our baby after he/she was born.

(Outcome)

Layna Girls Labor Experience:


My water broke at 6 am. I didn't have any contractions so finally at 2:30 we went in to the hospital to get contractions started. By 3pm I was hooked up to pitocin. I used relaxation techniques we had learned in my childbirth (hypnobabies) class. I was aware of everything going on and even though I could feel more pressure with the contractions throughout the next few hours they were very doable. I felt a lot more in control than I did with the first birth. They took me off pitocin and things got even easier, with the added bonus that the contractions were still regular and I could continue on with the labor on my own. The jacuzzi felt like heaven. Got back in my room. Hit transition. Things got very (let me emphasize VERY) intense. I had to get out of my "hypnosis" to use the restroom and it hadn't really been working that great for me anyways because Jim wasn't there talking me through it anymore - I was listening to a lady on a CD at that time. I realize now that I should have just kept James talking me through the contractions because he was much more soothing. He tried to help me calm down but there seriously was about 5 seconds to breathe (felt like less) and then another contraction was there. I was crying and freaking out, and the nurse told me it was time to push. It wasn't what I expected. People say that pushing feels great because you know you are close to getting the baby out, but that wasn't how it went for me. Pushing was the opposite of what felt good. It didn't feel right and I know I didn't really try that hard because it burned so much and I did not like it. I have no idea of how long it took, but even as intense as it was it didn't feel like it was that long. I stopped being a pansy in the pushing area when the nurse looked at me and said "Michelle, lets get this baby out now. I'm worried about her." Baby was out that next push. And the second the baby was out I felt a million times better!

Then I saw my baby girl. I wasn't surprised she was a girl. I just wanted to hold her. It was a whole different experience with this baby. I instantly felt a connection to her. My heart softened the second she was placed in my arms. She was my daughter and it was love at first sight. I got up and took a shower a little bit after they stitched me up (thankfully just a tear, no episiotomy this time). I hadn't gotten sleep for 22 hours (18+ hours of them in labor) so I sent her to the nursery to get some sleep - only to wake up an hour and a half later and getting up out of bed to get her myself when I couldn't rise my husband out of bed to get her. We went home that night because I wanted to relax and be with my son J.L. Didn't get any sleep. Not sure if it was better to leave or stay at the hospital. I think I just liked being able to watch television in bed at the hospital. :) Breastfeeding went much smoother (even though I did get blisters on both sides because I fed her wrong the first few feedings...) I felt like a mom. I was on a high for quite a while and just exhilarated to have my baby girl in our home.

Layna's birth was very intense (hard) at the very end, but my recovery was a breeze in comparison. I actually remember walking around our apartment complex the day after she was born and thinking I felt really good. I went to church (not my ward though) for sacrament, something I never would have done with J.L. (Don't worry - I kept Layna asleep in her carseat covered). My mom kept telling me that I needed to remember to take it easy because it would catch up to me, but it never hit me as hard as it did with J.L.

So some answers to some questions:

Was it worth waiting to find out if it was a boy or girl?
Honestly? No, not really. I wasn't surprised at all when they told me she was a girl. I remember them telling me and James being really excited and telling me she was a girl and just saying "Yeah, I already knew that." It wasn't really that exciting. And when Jim tried to use the "Just think, Michelle. You'll be able to find out what the baby is." line on me during the transition/pushing phase and I told him the same thing. "I already know what it is!"But if she had turned out being a he instead of a she I would have been surprised - so, maybe that's why Wendy (my sis) has liked it so much. Both times she had girls she thought they were boys, so that would definitely be a surprise.

The only fun part was driving my mother-in-law crazy because she was so worried that we were specifically not telling her and had told everyone else. We obviously didn't intentionally do it to drive her crazy, but she was the person with the strongest reaction to us not deciding. She even talked to my brother on the phone to tell her that the envelope with the baby's gender still remained unopened so she would stop worrying about it. Kind of funny.

The decision to not find out also helped me from spending $, which I suppose is always a good thing. Picking a name was a lot of fun too because James was certain it wasn't a boy, and told me I could name him whatever I had decided on. So maybe we'll do it again and he'll feel the same way?? :)

So will we wait to find out what we're having with the next baby? I really don't know. Right after Layna was born I really thought it was not worth it to wait, but maybe I'll feel differently with the next baby.

Are you still happy with your choice in doctor?
Yes! However, some circumstances came up so that he wasn't able to deliver Layna. So we had to use an on-call doctor that I was definitely not happy with. Dr. Jones felt awful I know, and I would have been so much more happier if he had been there. But whats done is done. Life goes on. And he continues to be a great doctor for my baby girl and for me. :)

Did the doula help you accomplish the birth you wanted?
While I'm sure a doula would be a lot of help, I never really felt very connected to mine and was actually somewhat grateful that we went into labor while she was out of town. (aka- she didn't end up being in town so we didn't use her) How weird is that of me? She was a wonderful childbirth instructor and I know she's a wonderful doula from everyone I've talked to - but we now know that James is all the help I need. We requested a nurse that was comfortable with medicine-free births and she helped me out a lot too. We were lucky.

Will you do labor without drugs again?
I really am not sure what to say. Was labor easy? No. Was it worth all the intensity in the end? I really do think so. My recovery has really made the world of difference with the happiness in our home. But again, I'm not sure if the recovery has to do with the natural labor aspect (no medicine) or the fact that she's a second baby and my mindset to have a good recovery. All I can say is thank goodness the crispness of these memories tend to fade with time so when its time for another baby to come we forget the bad parts and just remember the good. :)

The long process of baby names. How did you come up with your baby's final name?
Well, "Layna" was the only girl name I loved so it was easy enough. And I got to choose whatever boy name I wanted. The hardest part was coming up with the middle name. For some reason none of them seemed to fit. The same thing happened with J.L. We agreed on the first name, and the middle name just kind of happened. And then once its put on the certificate or announced I always second guess it and wonder if we made the right decision. I think now, from experience, we're going to say both names a lot around each other and see if we actually like it instead of just agreeing at the hospital. With Layna we decided on the name and then spelled it really weird and had to keep asking each other if we were telling people the name right... I think we want to avoid that the next time around.

Do you think that going natural helped you bond with your baby?
I had read as much as I could about the subject (because of my hard time bonding with J.L.) and I've read that feeling the actual birth kick-starts something in your body (aka-releases hormones) that helps moms bond with their new babies. Although, again, I'm not 100% certain if this is accurate or true - it definitely was true in my case. I eventually gained that closeness with my son, but it was immediate with my baby girl.

What advice would you give to those who are seeking medicine-free births?
Practice whatever method you are going to use. We used hypnobabies, and took the class. It was very insightful. I would say, however, not to do the classes too early so that you are burnt out by the time baby comes. We did our class 4 months in advance, which meant practicing 2 hours everyday for 120 days... That is A LOT of time to take away from your schedule. I felt very burnt out by month 2 and I didn't really try as hard as I was told to with our practice. I still think I did really good with our labor and delivery, but I'm certain if I actually had taken the time to practice I would have done even better.

Do you recommend hypnobabies?
Definitely! Loved it. I used its techniques to help calm me during pregnancy, labor and the afterbirth, as well as once I was home from the hospital. Very nice.

Was it worth it?
Yes. Was it hard? Yes. But it was so worth it for me. Enduring half an hour of intense pain was a lot more doable for me because I had this incredible immediate reaction and connection to my baby girl and had a great recovery. To me it was worth opting to forgo the epidural and just have my baby on my own. So it was definitely worth it in my case. And I know that I didn't do it all on my own.. I know I had extra help and strength that day from a Father in Heaven who was watching out for me as I cried out to Him for his care. I am so grateful for His added strength to help me have the experience I wanted.

(image of Layna courtesy of rognonphotography.blogspot.com)