Frustrating Ultrasound

(I apologize if this turns into a long, dramatic post... I had an emotional day.)

James and I had to go through the hospital for our ultrasound. For some reason doctors offices always seem to be behind schedule, and the hospital was no exception. All they said to us over the phone was we have to go to admittance to tell them we needed an ultrasound and then we'd have our ultrasound at 1. We came right on time, and had to wait forty minutes before we even got in to see the admittance lady. After paying our fees we made it over to the x-ray/ultrasound area where we were told to 'take a number' so to speak. They asked us to arrive with a full bladder (so they would be able to check the cervix I'm guessing) but after an hour that definitely wasn't going to be happening - sorry! Finally after waiting another half hour they finally called us in there.

While we were getting seated I explained our situation to the ultrasound technician. "We are having issues deciding on whether or not we want to know the gender so could you tell us to look away if you are in that area and write it down on a piece of paper for us instead so we still have the option in case we decide we want to know?" He didn't actually commit to what we were saying, just asked why we didn't want to know and I said that one of us did and one of us didn't - and I told him again that we would like him to write it on a piece of paper because we were still planning on discussing it. (Explanation #2) He still didn't commit to doing that, just turned around and got the ultrasound going.

You could tell the machine wasn't as crisp as the other one I was use to, but there was our baby and what fun! The technician started doing random things and after about a minute of not telling us what he was doing I finally just started asking him what was going on because otherwise we would probably have no idea what he was even doing when he was measuring things. "Is that his head? Are you measuring his brain? That's his heart? Liver?" Etc. etc. He then started asking me questions like "Do you know what this is? That's right. What about this. You are good!" I guess I have a knack for guessing things in ultrasounds, haha. He was really surprised when I knew the difference between the umbilical chord and a limb. Everything was measuring either between 19 weeks or 20 weeks, so that was good I hope.

Where is the frustrating part of this ultrasound you may ask? Well aside from the fact that it took us until 3 to finish it (Holy COW was this guy the slowest measurer in this universe), I felt like he was making no effort to tell us not to look when the legs were right there and flying around. Of course this was the time when he was being mute and we didn't know what he was doing, so maybe he was hoping we wouldn't be able to tell those are legs or something. It was frustrating though because whenever I saw legs I automatically would look away - and of course James didn't. I asked him a few times to look away when I was- and to his credit he did, but he always looked back before me so who knows what he actually saw. Frustration number 1.

Frustration 2: About mid-way through the ultrasound the technician started referring to the baby as a boy. "See this black part? That's his bladder." or "See his feet? Cute." "There's his head" on and on about this 'he'. Was he telling us we were having a BOY? Towards the end of the ultrasound he noticed he had been saying 'he' so he did say "I apologize for saying 'he'. Whenever I talk about a baby I naturally just start calling them a he. It's a force of habit. I have 4 boys so to me all babys are he's." (Do we trust this???)

Frustration 3: He asked again if we were sure we didn't want to know the sex. I told him AGAIN that we were still trying to decide because one of us did and one of us didn't. When he found out it was me and he couldn't just kick James out he handed me a towel to put over my eyes. I shook my head. "No, we both want to come to the decision TOGETHER. Could you just put it on a paper for us so we can have more time to decide?" Still no commitment. He just moved his ultrasound gadget off my stomach and asked me if I thought I knew what it was. I told him honestly I didn't know because I had tried not to look whenever I saw anything suspicious, like legs. He didn't seem to believe me saying "That surprises me. You were so good at guessing all the other things." He then started to wipe off his ultrasound thing and had me sit up and wipe off my stomach. "Well if you think you saw the sex then I can assure you you most likely didn't. I was very careful not to go in that area." James gave me a smirk while I was drying off, kind of out of frustration that was telling me "Well, I guess you get what YOU want in the end." because he was making no commitment or understanding to the fact that if he DID know the sex then to write it on a piece of paper...

I didn't want James to be mad/disapointed either so I asked.
"Do you know then what the sex is?"
And he said "Oh yeah, I know."
"Could you write it on a piece of paper for us then, please, so my husband has an option to know later on if we decide we want to know?"

He complied, finally, and I asked him how accurate he thought his guess and shot of the baby was. "Oh, it's correct. I'd say 90%. 80-90% certain." That's a pretty good guesstimate, right?

We finally left the office after 3 and we hurried home so my sister Julie, who was sweet enough to watch Jack, and James could make it to their 3:15 class. (I never imagined it would take 2 hours for a 25 minute ultrasound. What a headache!)

So the wait time already had me grumpy. The fact that the technician didn't try to hide the gender made me grumpy because immediately after the ultrasound James said "I have a pretty good guess." of what he thought it was. Ugh. I just assumed that meant boy and that made me even more upset. Then the technician started messing with my mind that it was a boy baby because he had referred to the baby as a 'he' baby. And I could only assume he thought I knew what it was - which again, brings me back to the assumption that it was a boy.

So instead of feeling like it was a gender-neutral ultrasound with it going 'either' way, I felt it was rigged and we basically found out we were having a boy. :( Now let me clarify that having a boy actually wouldn't be that much of a let down for us. Even though I thought it was a girl a few weeks ago and think that would be SO fun- we've been switching out calling the baby he or she for a while now and I know I actually would be excited for another cute baby boy. I loved having a sister so close in age to me! Even though I did fun things with my older brother (like dig holes and eat dirt & catfood together) having a sister like Jeanette growing up close in age to me was a lot more fun than growing up with my sister Wendy, who was the oldest. (I love wendy now - just didn't until she was in college... :)

So the disappointment I have to emphasize wasn't the fact that I now felt we were having a son. It was the fact that I felt my choice of having a surprise at the end and having that option was taken away from me. Like instead of being surprised when the time comes and the doctors saying "It's a boy!" I know I'll just be thinking "Oh. A boy. Like I hadn't guessed THAT."

Anyways after spewing over it for a few hours while we went shopping for groceries/supplies for the week, and after we were alone that night, James and I talked about what options we have now available to us. I told him my frustration (see above!) and how I felt like I didn't want to go through the rest of the five months feeling frustrated and paranoid about the technician calling the baby a 'he'. The only way I knew to get rid of this frustration was just to open the envelope and read it so it could be put to rest... I didn't see how else I would be okay with just waiting it out because I didn't feel like it was a surprise. I felt like he basically had told us we were having a boy.

But James and I talked about it and James says he doesn't really put any stock in the 'he' comments during the ultrasound. The technician really could be telling the truth when he said he just refer to all babies as he's and it has nothing to do with our baby's gender one way or the other. And James finally admitted that he didn't see anything that would make him guess boy, so he felt like it could be a girl. He didn't feel strong that he was right, one way or the other, but instead of leaving the ultrasound like me thinking -duh, its obviously a boy!, he said that he was changing his mind and thinking maybe it could be a girl. (He's been calling the baby a he since our first ultrasound). And he said that although he personally just wants to know because he doesn't like having to wait, he knows how disappointed I will be if we open it now - especially if it says girl and I had been wrong about all of my assumptions. So he told me to just sit on it for a few days before we talk about opening the envelope/waiting - because he didn't want me to be sad.

So there's our silver lining... Not that it is hopefully a girl, but the fact that even after all that we do still have a chance of the baby being a girl. Both of us didn't get a clear shot, just like the technician said. And he didn't come out and say it was a boy, so he could be telling the truth that he just refers to all babies as boys. And I guess he has a 50/50 chance of seeing girl parts just as much as he has of seeing boy parts. Otherwise how would all these people be told they were having a girl, right? And we would have no clue because he didn't ever explain what he was doing at that point in time so we don't really know when it was that he took his peek. James thinks part of the reason the ultrasound was so blurry was because he zoomed in a lot so we wouldn't be able to see a very clear picture and thus not be able to see what we were having.

So I'm actually feeling a lot less certain it's a boy today than I had last night- which opens up the 'surprise' element once again in the pregnancy. We actually had a bit of a role-reversal. I was egging James on to get the envelope and just put me out of my misery and he was a good husband and refused until we really talked it out so I could realize that it could still be a surprise for us after all. (My goodness sometimes I am amazed at how perfectly suited James is for me. Heavenly Father really must like me since I was lucky enough to win him over!)

So in the end??? Since we really don't know what our sweet baby is - we are deciding to wait for now. Even with all the frustration friends & family must be feeling at this moment. ha. Sorry everyone.

Everyone can formulate their own speculations. I'm certain I will hear all about the baby gender guesses about heartbeat rates, the way I am carrying the baby, the foods I am craving. But for right now with James and I - we feel it could go either way. And although it isn't quite back to 50/50 for me yet, I will be able to live with 60/40 for now. :) We still have the baby game going on, so if you want to switch your guesses around you have a while to do so. I think unless you signed up it's hard to make corrections, but you could let us know and we can switch your guesses around until the baby is born. :)

In other ultrasound news - we found out I have a placenta that may or may not cause a problem for me later on. Apparently it's a lot longer than a normal placenta and is covering my birth canal. Yikes. He told us that it's not life threatening and a lot of times as your uterus stretches and grows it pulls up the placenta so it's not in the way. He also commented that as long as the doctors know about it they can work around it. He was going to have a doctor come in to check it out, but we literally had no time left because Julie & James had to go to class. So he said we will most likely be asked to come back for another ultrasound or two as the pregnancy progresses to make sure that all gets worked out. I'm still going to do my own research to find out exactly what's going on but that's all we know for now. We will ask the doctor on Thursday what he thinks and find out more then.